Dear Eric: I have a friend I will invite “Sally”. She is in the mid -fifties and she is single without children. Each of her parents is dead. Before the death of her mother, she left her job to care. Once she passed, Sally inherited most of her property, including her old truck, apartment and property.
She sorted her mother’s property, but she cannot decide what to do with her truck or apartment, both of which are paid. Sally has her residence and her private car, and she has paid taxes, HOA fees, maintenance and other expenses on these inherited elements for years.
She does not seem to decide what to do with these things and keeps telling me that her plan is to sell her place in the end and move to her mother, which is more beautiful.
Meanwhile, she loses a lot of money to keep these elements. It does not seem to be tied for money and still does not work but it continues to help others (volunteering, vitality, etc.).
I am concerned about not being anxious that it escapes its problems and harms itself by avoiding dealing with this. We are friends, but we were not very soon, so I did not share my fears with her. What is the best way to discuss this with her?
– An anxious friend
Dear friend: Instead of talking to Sally about your concerns – that you may share or not share it – choose part of her inheritance and ask her if she wants to help you deal with it. The truck may be the easiest place to start. Tell her that you noticed that she did not lead her, and you have some ideas about what to do with him, if she is open. Of course, you can help her sell it, but it may do a lot of good as a donation to a charitable organization that needs reliable transportation.
Now, you may not look for suggestions. But it is possible that some of the difficulty of the decision it faces comes from the lines of logistics. This happens to all of us, sometimes, but it may be particularly difficult when conjugating sadness. You may need someone outside to provide her with her hand.
Dear Eric: He is 73 years old, divorced, and in a state of health. I never agree with anywhere in my life. My son was a very harsh start in life, and I coexisted by helping him for a very long time. He is 43 years old and cuts off with me recently because I will not buy a home his wife wants. I got a $ 15,000 loan for them and they do not make payments as they promised.
Meanwhile, his twin sister feels abandoning her brother’s attention. She lives throughout the country, and I have not seen them for three years. She has a good job and raises roll honor students.
How do I modify my daughter? I wonder if I have autism because I am very embarrassing and I have no real friends. Is it too late for the test and will it be good to know that?
Closed from life
Dear closed: First, I want to tell you that you are not alone. Many people feel stunned by social isolation. According to the National University of Michigan on health aging, 23 percent of adults between the ages of 65 and 80 years are isolated from others. This feeling can be unique challenges, but it has not been too late for changes that would positively affect your life.
It is never too late to talk to a professional about autism spectrum disorder, and I will encourage you to follow him. There are self -assessments online that can help you start, but you can talk to a psychiatrist, a psychiatrist or a neurologist to provide a more specific diagnosis for you. The professional can also help you find resources, locally, nationally and online, can improve your experience in life.
Likewise, it has not been too late to adjust your daughter. It does not change the past justice, but it can put a different path for the future. Try to communicate with a message first, while admitting the harm I felt and apologizing, in detail, for the part in which I played. You do not need to give an excuse – in fact, this may not help at this stage. Instead, it expresses a sincere desire to reset your relationship. Make suggestions, if you have any, but also ask them if they are open to a conversation.
Please also consult a lawyer about your options to recover some loan from your son.
This trip is not a journey overnight. It will take some time to rebuild a communication with your daughter, and it takes some time to learn new things about yourself. But it is not too late.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas on Eric@askingeric.com or Po Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Instagram And registration in the weekly newsletter in RECTHOMAS.COM))