I am 37 years old, happily married I have two children, who came quickly after we married in my late twenties. I fell in love with them instantly. but, I wasn’t really emotionally or practically prepared, and I developed postpartum anxiety.
She always cared About the climate crisisand since then After existence Children, find out It will It affects their lives more than mine Motivation to make changes. We live a very “green” life.
I know how lucky I am to have two healthy childrenbut I missed the third. I I still can’t believe how fast my baby is growing – Many of my friends still have a lot of time To enjoy with their young children. But fears about the future and its impact On this planet He left me Expendables With hesitation. I He had counseling, which helped. My husband has always been satisfied with two but is happy to get a third if I wantSo we tried. I got pregnant. Within a week I was busy with intense Fear of the future and Climate impact calamity. I talked to some friends, had a long talk with my husband, and my service was terminated.
At first I felt relieved, then DExpand on what you did. With help Antidepressants and counseling I felt more balanced, but never at peace. After a year, Still We felt sad and remorseful so we decided to try again. I became pregnant, and again, It felt as if a switch had been turned on Severe anxiety and I couldn’t see A Positive future. In the end, she had a miscarriage.
Since then I have worked hard trying to find contentment with my beautiful family four. How can I understand what happened and come to terms with what I did?
She went to consultant medical psychotherapist and psychoanalyst Dr Joe Stapley, who said: “I was particularly interested in what motherhood means to you. I felt there was a sense of loneliness in your letter as well as anxiety.”
I felt a little breathless coming from you, moving from one thing to the next. We wondered where your mother was in all of this? What about your father? How many brothers do you have? Do you have any idea that three children is the ideal number?
“It seems like there’s a lot of work you’re doing instead of taking time to think,” Stapley said. “What was lost is space for grief, because it feels like it’s one thing after another. But what was driving you to have a third child? Were you worried about getting older? Did you feel like you didn’t get something right the first time? Those are normal responses to having a child, but then comes climate anxiety and that’s what’s really interesting, because on some level we should all be feeling climate anxiety. And yet, we’re all walking around in disavowal and separation and denial that there’s nothing.” Look how terrifying it is.”
I wondered what happened between the idea of wanting a third child and reality. It’s as if you’re living the “idea” of getting pregnant. I asked Stubley how you move forward. “I think you need to sit down and figure out what this means for you in the context of your life history, what it means to be a woman and a mother of two versus three, what it means to grow older. Maybe you need to work through your grief, the termination, the miscarriage,” she said. [even the grief of your children growing up]. Dig deeper into what it’s really about because we can all find hooks to worry about.
Please return to the consultation. Acceptance comes with time and the ability to face what happened. But to do this, you must remain still long enough to be able to see and feel the more difficult emotions.
Each week, Annalisa Barbieri tackles a personal problem submitted by a reader. If you would like advice from Annalisa, please send your problem to Ask.annalisa@theguardian.com. Annalisa regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to Our Terms and Conditions. Annalisa’s latest podcast series is here here.