How can Mel Robbins help you.

“The Best Something One thing” by Mel Robbins started with a stressful moment on a concert night for her son.

The best -selling author, former lawyer and one of the most world Popular podcast She talks about her latest book, “Let them let them: A tool that changed life that millions of people cannot stop (House of Station).

The book-which removes the removal of ambiguity from the old concepts of stoicism, Buddhism, Greek philosophy of the modern audience, Mosul, and pluralism-in that evening, when Robbins says she was “obsessed with full control” and “disturbing all the details”.

She was hurting due to the lack of adolescent dinner plans and the fact that she was raining and may appear on the soaked dance. She was on her phone, screaming for other parents, and she was trying to control the situation when her daughter has repeatedly insisted that she allowed children to do so.

Let them hold taco sandwiches instead of going to a restaurant. Let them destroy their shoes in the rain. She told Robbins: “It is a concert and not for you.”

“Like the eleventh time,” Robbins said, and felt herself relaxing.

After the experience with its 8.3 million people participated, then with its loyal podcast subscribers, the enthusiastic response clarified: she needed to write a book. In December 2024, “Let them theory” came. In an interview with Robbins, Oprah Winfrey And invite her “One of the best self -helping books I have ever read.”

The Times talked to Robbins about how simple phrases “LetTH” and “Let me” help us feel more tense and empowering, and help us to move better in dating challenges, family relations and social media.

This interview has been intensified and edited for clarity.

How did you realize that “let them” can work outside a concert?

I am the type who always wants to know how to be more connected and left, but I have never been able to apply philosophy when I am already emotional. The way it was beaten was at a concert.

From that point forward, at any time life was frustrating me or my husband did something annoying, or my mother – I just started saying, “let them”, and I noticed that it was immediate peace in a way that I did not test in my life.

All I do is remind people of what they know is true. The issue of trying to control things that do not control them, and how only tension creates you, this is the basic law for humans that have been present since the beginning of time.

There are two parts of the theory: let them and me. Why is it important to use both?

The second part is the most important part, because the second part is where you actually remind yourself that your life is your responsibility. When you say, “Let me”, remember yourself in any situation – this literally is teaching in “a man’s search for meaning”, ” [Holocaust survivor] Work VikTor Frankl – the only thing in your control is your response to what is happening. You can control what you think about what is happening. You can choose what you do or do not do in response. And you get to choose how to treat your feelings. This is what you get to control and this is where your strength is located.

You say that the most difficult part of “let them” is to learn to feel raw emotions without a reaction immediately. Often, we already interact before thinking “Let them”. How do we do this?

I am still working on it. I think you deserve a gold medal if you have a mind until you say, “I would like to be less interactive to move forward.” Just realize that it is a skill and will benefit you and bring more peace in your life, this is the first step. Part of the reason that we are very reaction is that we feel this feeling that we are trapped because we have provided a lot of strength to other people. Every time you say, “Leave them”, even if it is after the explosion, you are still spreading passion. What I found in my life, because [I’m] A very emotional person is that the more you say it, the closed the distance between the motivation for the heart of someone and his saying, “Let them.” And you will reach a point where you say this every time, you are literally using a tool to arrest this nervous system or emotional response.

How can we use a “theory of allowing them” to prevent feeling compared and recovery that we often get from social media?

It took a long time to truly turned this uncle, as I really thought that if someone else got something you wanted, this means that they were winning and lost. I did not understand the beauty of the world in which we live, which are the things you want in life – whether it is success, money, happiness or friendship – these things are in limitless supplies.

It took a long time to understand that I am not actually competing against another person in the game of life. I play with them. If my friend is able to do it [something]So, this is evidence that I – with work and with time and patience – can do it myself too.

You start to realize that others do not stand on your way; You do it for yourself. You are the person who uses the comparison to stop yourself. You are the person who tells yourself that he will never happen. You are the person who tells yourself that you are not good enough or you can not know that. When you stand in your own way, you miss the fact that every person has a literally has something interested in or you want in life, you can actually explain to you how to get it. They show you what is possible.

Let’s talk about “let them” in terms of its connection with dating. You say let them see us, and the extent of their response. But looking at the digital scene today, how do we use “let them” and we are still present enough to allow spinning and ambiguity in relationships?

He understands any part of the dating cycle You Personally, instead of constantly trying to guess any part of the cycle is the other person. If you are at that point where you meet a lot of people, you really focus on, “I’m great with playing now.” But there will be a point while you are no longer interested in that, or as you say to yourself, “I really love this person and I don’t want them to see other people.”

When you realize that you are no longer in this space the desire to be informal, the mistake that everyone makes is that we are now giving power to the other person who cares about him. We are now investigators trying to know when they feel the same way we do. This is when you start chasing the capabilities. This is when you start analyzing everything you do. This is when you start clinging, start becoming a stranger, and start pretending that things are still unofficial, but you are secretly looking to see if the artistic profile is still so.

This is where you lose power. Because the best thing to do when you no longer just want to be in an informal space is a conversation. They can say no, but this is the way you respect yourself.

It seems that the saying “Call them” and “Let Me” require self -confidence and self -sympathy. How do we get there?

Do not get there in the hope that it will come. You have to use tools. One of the reasons why we do not have these conversations-or even something more accurate, just as you have a colleague in the room, sister or parents negative or negative aggressive and you have dealt with it for years-do it require courage to say to yourself, “I do not want to deal with this, so I will say,” because I will stop trying to manage their mood. “

It takes a lot of sympathy and grace for yourself. Then you do the “Let me”, which is: Let me remind myself that I choose the amount of time and energy that I spend with this person.

You say this is especially difficult with their loved ones. Why this?

These people have known you since you were born, and they have expectations about who you are and who should be and what should happen in this family.

Think of the family like the spider. Any click of the web that resonates with everyone. At any time you start allowing your family to their opinions, let them have their concerns, or let them expect their expectations and allow them to fears – that they have, because they always had you – when you start saying “let them” and create a space, you expand space between networks. People do not like it.

Then she says: Let me live my life in a way that makes me happy; Let me follow a profession that I really want to follow; Let me love the person I love. These decisions actually force others to deal with their expectations and opinions. But this does not mean that you must change what you do in order to appease them or meet their opinions.

How do we apply theory without becoming negative, isolated, or waiting for a large bombing?

One of the things I see from people like, “I am supposed to let people offend me? I am supposed to let them do not respect me?” I like, no, this may happen now. Because, especially in families and loved ones, we explain the bad, unlimited and abusive behavior.

If we are in a family system or a relationship where there was an episode of emotional abuse or a course of narcissism, then its psychology is very difficult, because you continue to adhere to the hope that someone will change. We keep a fantasy in our heads in exchange for learning how to live with reality in front of us. It begins to realize, every time you say “Let them” and “Let me”, that the power is not what others do. The strength in your values ​​and how you respond.

Help Help is a wellness column where we meet researchers, thinkers and writers about their latest books – all with the aim of learning how to live a more complete life. Want to put us? Email Alyssa.bereznak@latimes.com.