Dear Eric: My husband and I go to a park outside the steering wheel near our house. There is a woman who regularly hesitates on the small dog area with her little dug. We do not know it well, but we are polite and friendly.
Yesterday, while bringing in our dogs, she accused me of loudly, telling me about the terrible medical procedures that were implemented on the puppies in our local hospital. I put my hand and said, “I don’t really want to hear this,” because I find these situations really annoying.
I insisted twice that I needed to hear the story. By the third time, she was screaming in my face.
She started swearing loudly, and I shouted that I did not care and went greatly, saying that she never returned.
We still want to go to this park, but we are concerned about running for it. I understand at one level the inconvenience of the news story. I do not feel that I must prove to her that we are active in rescue and send money to local rescue organizations. I can’t read stories about animal abuse; It became terrible sad. So, on one level I completely understand, but I am still sure of what I say if I see it again. Any ideas?
Animal lover
Dear dear: Sometimes people will read a story or see something on the Internet that bother them and want others to feel the same level of distress until they know that they are not alone. What this response lacks is approval. Yes, the news is general information, but how do we receive and address this information and respond to it is still personal. She did not respect the limits I set. This tells me that she was less interested in calling than misery.
Do not let this misery prevent you from engaging in this space. Dog parks can be complex, social (for humans), but you are not committed to increasing your explanation or continuing to do with them. Since it is almost strange, it is best to decide that you have different approaches to conversation and future exchange subscription.
Dear Eric: My mother -in -law will only tolerate the positive conversations/compliments of their children. If you say my husband or something negative from the BIL/SIL and their children, Mil will get defense or not. She refuses to comment on anything personal about her children. It says only small positive data here and there is a very surface level. It is extremely difficult to have a deep conversation with it.
On the other hand, she loves gossip for her friends, mother, family and for me family! It is very negative about the extended Fil family. I find her behavior very curious, and I disturb her double standard.
Recently, at my daughter’s birthday party, I heard Mil Mil asking my sister, “Do you think you have more children?” You will not ask my husband and husband, or me, or Seili this question! I am angry at her nerve to ask my sister to this personal question. I asked my sister later if I thought this question was appropriate. She agreed that this question was outside the line. She said that only close friends or family should be able to ask this question.
I want to tell my Mil that it is not appropriate for her to ask my sister this question. Do you think it was an appropriate or inappropriate question? I want to put it straight, but I need to know if you are outside the line as well.
– anger
Dear Anger: I wonder if a lot of anger you feel revolves around the accumulation of your life’s behavior, which makes the comment waving on the horizon than it was.
In general, you do not have to have any conversation that makes you uncomfortable. You can be clear with her as she is with you-“I don’t want to hear anything negative about my husband’s father,” for example. It is difficult to argue with that.
But I believe that the comment on your sister was your sister’s battle to fight. If you do not want to answer or do not think it was appropriate, you may have re -directed or treated it at the present time. By offering it with your Mil now, you are facing the risk of conversation that goes to a dangerous minefield “You are always”. That is, it will stop the one comment and start being in this malicious habit and a set of other things. This will not take you anywhere. Let this go the next time you say something that makes a mistake, talk about it at the present time or change the topic.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas on Eric@askingeric.com or Po Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Instagram And registration in the weekly newsletter in RECTHOMAS.COM))