Dear Eric: I am a woman who has grown in a healthy relationship with two children, and I cannot stand around my father. I am upset with a childhood full of emotional abuse that I feel dwarf my personal development. I am working hard to get it and get to my fullest potential, but I still can’t really stand around it.
I think he is the most annoying person and is not interested at all, not only because he is offensive. I think many of my friends and family agree. He continues monologues on his own interests for successive hours and redirects each conversation to one of his interests.
The problem is that he is still married to my mother and they are in a very unhealthy relationship. I love my mother and want to stay in contact with her. It only should come. I am in a terrible place emotionally whenever he is in the room; It is a real space for energy. What do you recommend?
– Preserving my greetings
Dear Peace: Let’s redefine what it means to stay in contact with your mother. From your message, I expect it, perfectly, you would like to visit and visit it. Is it possible, at least for a short time, to transfer the call to phone calls? This would allow you to focus on your mother without the need to avoid your father.
Your mother may suffer from an emotional abuse similar to the abuse she suffered, so you determine the best way to stay in contact with her, it is important not to blame her for the position she enjoys. The presence of space to speak separately can help you get some comfort from your father and can open the door that allows access to help.
When people work with the therapist to recover from coding, one of the tactics they use is to learn how to free themselves. This means recognition and healing of childhood shocks and wounds that contribute to adulthood, which is characterized by feelings of shame and inaccurate, among other difficult emotions. But it is not your job to give your mother. In fact, it would be better for you to maintain healthy internal borders about trying to “fix” things for them. You will feel a different modified communication plan in the beginning and may take longer than you want to feel “normal”. But in an area free of your father’s monologues, you can build small communication points into a meaningful and recovery.
Dear Eric: I divorced nearly 10 years ago. My ex -husband was an affair when I was a new mother and gave up for 16 years of marriage.
At this stage, we share a 11 -year -old daughter. He married the other woman last summer, and they treated me terrifying me.
Family and strangers feel strongly that I should be a friend of him.
This is very painful and educated. Why is my responsibility to reform the relationship? He must apologize to I.
He will not do it, and I need to go forward.
What advice you have to not allow these judge and Woods to disturb me?
– My mother is a proud single
Dear mom: Let me be the first strange person to tell you that you do not have to be a friend of this man. You can be friendly, if you want, for the relationship between paternity and common motherhood. But friendship is a two -way street and is in a different block. If it has not been adjusted on how to harm you and continues to treat you terribly, there is nothing to build a relationship.
People like to have opinions about how we should live our lives. These people – family and strangers alike – invented a scenario in their minds that have nothing to do with your facts. So, when they make their comments to you, remind yourself that they are writing fans’ imagination and returning your mind to the facts.
Reality: You are trying to be the best of my mother, you can be and part of that involves the modeling of healthy boundaries in your daughter’s relationships. This is a valuable lesson.
I know that it may be difficult not to let these provisions make their way. But remember that if they press you to bear the weight of friendship with your ex -wife, they do not speak taking into account your best interests. Ask yourself who will benefit from this. It is not you and does not seem to benefit your daughter either. You may wonder why they care a lot. It is a fair question, but you may never answer it. It is better to pay initial attention to the opinions of those who care about you, and to take your best interests in mind, and most importantly, you ask you what you want to do instead of telling you what you should do.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas on Eric@askingeric.com or Po Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Instagram And registration in the weekly newsletter in RECTHOMAS.COM))
© 2025 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.