It’s great to see that there are young men actively seeking alternatives to the types of masculinity on offer online (I’m a Teenager Lured Into the Manosphere. Here’s How to Reach Young Men Like Me, Nov. 2). But for me, Josh Sargent’s essay is about more than just atmosphere. It’s about the platforms that facilitate this, and how social media shifts attention away from things like reading and toward things that don’t matter as much. “In fairness, short content is a little more engaging than flashcards with Macbeth quotes,” says Josh himself. This is really worrying.
It is true that the education system can and should do better, but I also think we need to be reminded that young people have always felt alienated from the education system. They were always disappointed, feeling ignored and misunderstood, and I think a lot of young people today forget that. It’s not just them. John Hughes has made an entire career writing about frustrated young men and the pressures to conform to expectations about masculinity and Femininity (women have long suffered from the pressures of not being “feminine” enough, or “failing” as mothers, as women, etc.). It has taken a long time for alternatives to emerge, and we are not there yet. So what frustrates me most about the idea of toxic masculinity is that (some) men think their experiences are somehow unique, so they attack women.
I say to Josh and others: stay away from TikTok. It may not be the only reason for the creation of the atmosphere, but it feeds on it. Social media itself is toxic: it prioritizes the trivial and the shallow. Instead, young people (and everyone) should try to regain their attention span. Go read East of Eden. Go read The Brothers Karamazov. And while you’re at it, read The Handmaid’s Tale. Ignore the constancy that is social media and turn that disappointment into art.
Siobhan Lyons
Researcher in Media and Cultural Studies, Sydney, Australia
I wasn’t at all surprised to read Josh Sargent’s recommendations on how to reach young people like him. Having worked with young people in the North East of England over the past decade, I see the same disillusionment and uncertainty that Josh described – and yet the media insist on reading this as nothing more than misogyny and toxicity. Ten years ago I said we need to stop talking about a “crisis in masculinity.” We did not stop: we replaced the word crisis with toxic. Now we call the boys “lost.”
“I can promise you we’re not lost. We’re just waiting for you to hear us,” Josh writes. Well said. But it shouldn’t be up to the kids to say it louder. The rest of us should listen better.
Talking about crisis, toxicity, and loss is not only unhelpful—it empowers the very voices you claim to oppose. The atmosphere tells young people that they will never be seen, heard or appreciated. So stop doing their work for them. If young men are struggling for money, meaning, and masculinity, make these legitimate topics of public conversation — not shameful private topics. The only way to keep concerns about chest size, penis size, and push-packs out of the steroid-fueled manosphere is to make it socially normal to talk about them in public. Young people don’t need saving. It must be taken seriously.
Dr. Michael J. Richardson
Senior Lecturer in Human Geography, Newcastle University
As the mother of a 17-year-old, I was interested in reading Josh Sargent’s article on masculinity. I went upstairs to interrupt the game and gather the opinions of his seven male friends, aged between 17 and 19. Most of them study practical trades in college or vocational training, and the rest work in factories. Below is a summary of what they told me.
Yes, they see “toxic” and “masculinity” paired together online. They note that “many girls are treated like guys” and that “guys with big muscles who want to fight” are examples of toxic masculinity. No approval was expressed for this.
They pointed out that being masculine is not a bad thing, although it has changed, and some girls can be masculine and some boys they know are quite feminine. They wondered why there should be labels for everything, when all kinds of people can be toxic.
The identification of male role models has been somewhat inconsistent, with action film actors only named by one boy. They felt that Grimsby/Cleethorpes was fairly well supplied with youth activities, with great respect for The Trin (sporting and community activities), and interest in the new Horizon Center which would soon be opened. They felt that schools were too strict, and that children with unidentified needs were labeled naughty and isolated all day and learned nothing. Someone remarked that schools look the same as they did 100 years ago, and what people need to learn has changed.
They have read this letter and agreed to send it to me. I was impressed by the nuances of their thinking and now that I understand more I no longer have to worry. I’m glad our area has some funding for some youth activities. Josh Sargent was right, an open and honest conversation with kids is what we need.
Vicki Dunn
Grimsby in Lincolnshire