You never know what you will stick to respectable minds. “Sometimes, I will tell me children with something their grandmother or coach said – and this may be something that the rest of us ignores, but for this child, he had a truly effect,” says Amy Morin, one of the therapists and author of his book. 13 Something Strong Children do. For this reason, it is important for parents to enter into the repetition of the farts of wisdom that becomes a talisman wandering in the minds of their children for years to come.
We have asked Mourin and the other therapists to share the easy gemstones that every child wants to know.
“People mean that they only show what they feel about themselves.”
If someone is bullying, Mourin tells her young customers, because they feel bad about themselves. “It is extremely important for children to know that if you feel satisfied with yourself, you will be nice with others,” she says. “People’s words and behaviors mean a reflection of what is going on inside theyNot you. ”
She adds that this is not an excuse for the behavior of harmful infiltrators. But he calls for sympathy. Ideally, children will start thinking, “Well, there is something else that happens with this person I do not know,” says Mourin-after that they will not take this name or those words perfectly.
“Listen to your shoulder angel.”
When Mourin talks to children, he explains that we all have a “demon” on one shoulder telling us to do things that you may feel satisfied at the present time, but this is not the best option, and “angel” from the other tells us to do the right thing. She says: “They are the two voices that you hear in your head when my mother says,“ Do not eat a cookie. ”The little Satan says,“ No, hold it, ”as your angel says,“ No, you should not really. ”You have the ability to determine anyone you will listen to.
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This is a valuable lesson about how he felt that he is able to make an option, which can enhance children’s confidence and independence. In addition, it helps those who face a problem for misconduct – who may be classified as “bad” for children – Mourin says, because they will discover that everyone tends to “Satan shoulder” sometimes.
“Seeking help is a kind of courage.”
Certainly, independence is important. But children do not need to discover everything on their own – and you know that it is good to ask for help is a lifelong skill. “It is definitely weak, and I think this is the reason why people do not always do it,” says Navin Khalfan, a licensed marriage processor in Headspace. “But weakness is strength.”
“Not everyone you like, and that’s good. You are still enough.”
They grow up, children often learn that they should act in ways to please people. “They are constantly trying to fit the boxes or places where they believe will be accepted,” says Khalfan. “Of course, you need your tribe, and you have to feel belonging. But if you are constantly trying to fit with the pictures of others to whom you should be, you will never be authentic.” She adds that this trend can continue throughout a person’s life, which leads to continuous conflicts with identity and self -acceptance.
“Just because you have an idea that does not make it true.”
There is nothing wrong with questioning your mind – and in fact, it is good to deal with and challenge negative thoughts. “We have this idea that if we think about something, we must pay attention to it, and that there is a meaning there,” says Pittsburgh’s psychologist Natalie Bernstein. This is not necessarily the case. Instead, “approach thought curiously”, advises children. “Be realistic – don’t take it as a reality. Look a little.”
“Anxiety hangs out in the future, so let’s think about it when we get there.”
Much we are concerned about about it does not come fruits – or, if so, this is not as bad as expected. Why do you get lost all this precious time and energy, imagine the worst scenarios? “It is much easier to wait and know that you can deal with it,” says Bernstein. “The expectation is not preventive, although we think it is.”
“Making mistakes does not make you bad – that means you just learn.”
This is one of the most important lessons that can be installed in children. Khalfan has noticed that when some young people try something new, they surrender if they are not great in it immediately.
Khalfan says: “We live in this perfect world where it looks like,” Oh, you have to do things properly the first time, and if you do not, then there is a mistake with you or you are stupid. ”This is really sad, because when you learn to walk, do not you find a million times?”
“All the feelings are fine, but painful actions are not.”
It is okay to feel angry, but not to hit someone. It is okay to be sad, but not screaming loudly in public places, Mourin loves to say.
“Many children and parents in my treatment office confuse angry feelings and aggressive behavior,” she says. For example, if a 7 -year -old tells her that they paid a person on the field because the other child was a jerk, Mourin explains that the discomfort is normal; This is what you do with these feelings that concern. This helps the young people with whom you work to improve their emotions. “The child who can say” I am crazy “is less likely to go and kick someone in distress,” she says. “Children who are struggling to understand, or identify this feeling, feel that they must explain to you how harmful to their feelings.”
“Your body belongs to you.”
You can decide who gives you hugs or the top five-and I am not going to say no. Khalfan says that strengthening this message teaches children “a lot of things.”
This is what she planted in her little son now. “He is really open and really friendly with people, and I love to trust everyone,” she says. “But I also feel that he needs to learn to be more aware – than He is everyone?”
“If you can call it, you can tame it.”
Children do not get formal training on how to determine their feelings – but any therapist will tell you that it is a decisive skill that can help children deal with painful feelings, such as disappointment, embarrassment or rejection.
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“If we can teach children from an early age to start determining what they really feel, it automatically reduces the effect,” says Bernstein. “If you can determine what you feel, you know how to work through it, and you are not stuck with it.”
“You are loved to whom you are, not what you do.”
In this world directed towards achievement, when children are nullified with additions-such as private lessons and multiple championships-easy to succeed with merit. “He can feel healthy that he will only come through their performance in the sports team,” says Bernstein. But what happens if you decide that you want to stop the soft ball or do not have a good game?
It is important to start learning at an early age that “your parents are not there because they are thinking that you will arrive at home,” she says. “They are there because they want to support you and you love sports.” The more this message is printed on the brain of a child, the less likely they will tend to anxiety and perfection that can chase them for life.