Dear Eric: My friend has a particularly disturbing habit.
When we go out to eat with another person, after we finished eating and only sitting around the conversation, it, without failing, will suddenly announce that it must go, move and leave almost immediately.
When only two of us are to eat together, this never happens. Not once.
This is rude, right? It is definitely worrying. Or do I control her to disturb her?
I am accompanied.
Will it be appropriate for me to treat this habit with it? If the answer is yes, how should I eat it?
Maybe I can give her a copy of my question and respond to it and I admit I am the person who wrote the letter to you?
– silent
Dear Al -Saqa: Before you ask her, try to ask a question or two questions about this habit, because that will appear more neutral and we hope that he will get a better result. Try to use this as an opportunity to find out more instead of the correct.
Start by asking her, “Have you noticed this style?” If so, ask for more information about the reason for doing so. Are there some factors or other factors in play? Is there a reason that does not happen with you? The leadership will be curiously guaranteed to stay without guarding and friendly. There are many possible explanations: boredom, anxiety, physical discomfort. Requesting more information will give you the context. And who knows, there may be something that each of you can control in the future so that these types of meals are enjoyable from beginning to end, the more this end comes.
Dear Eric: I separated from my ex -wife in 2021, and we expelled after a long time. We do not communicate much, but when we do it, I try to be respectful and decent. Our values were no longer alignment and ending a 20 -year relationship is the right thing to do.
I am trying not to be in her work. But she proved to me several times that her new partner is offensive. I don’t want any stranger on the street to try it, so I do things that I can. It is a difficult balance with the former, and I was sure I participated in this. The last time she has mainly told her that she is very independent and needs to stay away from this (and provided the hotline for home assault, resources, etc.). I will always be a safe person. But it is ugly for me to be in this.
Tonight, she told me that she expelled him and gave me details. All the details that you told me something I did to me. Read its own magazines. He angrily, he chose drunk battles. I didn’t want wonderfully. I care about any victims of home violence safe. I told her that she took precautions and made some unwanted tips. I told her not to be concerned that the last word is not to escalate and provoke anything worse.
Then it became ugly. She said I was not out of the line for this advice. I felt a little “boldness to seek sympathy for all the things I did to me” and is generally angry. I am proud of my value, but I meant. I am not proud of that, but I also don’t feel guilty enough about it and I am just exhausted. Should I keep the self?
Previous argument
Dear Ex: This relationship needs to be reset, and you need some distance. Start by admitting to yourself that there are some parts of your marriage for 20 years that still need treatment. Talk to a processor or communication with the hotline of domestic violence to learn more about emotional abuse resources.
Also, contact her to apologize for your role in escalating things. Remind her that you are concerned about her, but you acknowledge that you may not be the best person today to help maintain her safety.
You have a self -awareness of this relationship important. Your heart may be in the right place – and you know that people who suffer from domestic violence need safe people who can trust and switch to them – but your history and the shock you have passed through. You have pulled yourself again, so every conflict is not only related to her relationship with her partner, but also about her relationship with you. This is not in good health for either of you.
Ask her if she needs help to find resources or communicate with others and then listen to what she says without advice. Our interest can turn into something less than useful, which is something that seems to be control. When that happens, we have to check with ourselves and respect the borders of others.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas on Eric@askingeric.com or Po Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Instagram And registration in the weekly newsletter in RECTHOMAS.COM))
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